Single but looking in Manhattan

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”

– Mark Twain,
1835–1910, American Writer and Humorist

Life is meant to be shared. The problem is finding the right person with whom to share it. Finding the right partner is frustrating and can be a full time job — the never ending interview. New York’s dating scene is feverishly competitive.

Common complaints are:

  • Craig’s list is full of losers and weirdos.
  • and other internet dating services are too limiting.
  • Internet dating in general makes me feel cheap and takes all the romance out of the process.
  • J Date never works.
  • Speed dating is exhausting and too emotionally risky.
  • The bar scene is hopeless.
  • And of course: all the good ones are taken.

Many of my clients have come to therapy with the complaint that they are not meeting the right type of person and are beginning to wonder if they themselves might be the problem.

“Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.”

– Leo Buscaglia

In counseling, I work with my clients to examine themselves and their needs. A strong, confident person who knows who they are and what the want will attract others with equally high self esteem.

And sometimes it’s better to look at dating from a marketing perspective.

Dating in New York requires:

  • Knowing your product: you.
  • What do you bring to the table?
  • How are you holding yourself back?
  • What are your assets and liabilities?
  • How have you failed in the past, and why?
  • Who is your target audience?
  • Where is your target audience?
  • Marketing your product: putting your best face forward.
  • Managing your energy: pace your self.
  • Patience: it’s worth the wait.
  • Optimism: never give up.

Developing a solid game plan can remove the fear and lack of direction from the process. Finding a partner can be the most important decision of a person’s life. It should be made from a point of strength.

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